We all strive and love to please others, believe it or not. It shows your kindness and generosity to the world but sometimes it causes unhappiness to yourself. We often forget to draw a line between pleasing people and generosity and others begin taking us for granted. If that happens, it leads to harming oneself and self abandonment. People often become people pleasers as they are scared to get disapproval, criticized or rejected.
Before we go down on how to stop being a people pleaser and save yourself from getting dissolved with mindfulness, here are the major signs you should check.
Signs You Are A People Pleaser
- You always worry about hurting others and are always willing for everyone to like you.
- You look for validation in every means possible.
- You don’t want to set boundaries and feel guilty if you do so.
- People easily take advantage of you.
- You don’t get into conflicts and let things go the way they are.
- You often get sick.
- Self-care is not your primary concern.
- You feel anxious very often but do not take action for it.
- You follow rules and avoid taking another track.
- You try to hold your standards high and expect perfectionism.
- You can’t take criticism well.
- Your opinions do not hold any much value to yourself.
- You try to fix everyone who is not happy and uncomfortable.
- You put yourself at the end and do not realize what matters to you and what does not.
Are You A People Pleaser?
Do you think you resemble the signs mentioned above? Do you have signs of chronic people pleasing? If it is so then you must feel already exhausted, resentful and cannot balance what you want and what others want from you easily. However, if you want changes to happen within yourself then you should be ready to practice new boundaries and stick with them in your favor.
How To Stop Being A People Pleaser?
1. Start Taking Care Of Yourself
It is not selfish to take care of yourself and no one can ever judge you for doing so, remember that. Consider it as a primary concern or a necessity rather than a luxury! Take emotional, mental or spiritual breaks or you may feel physically sick as well as mentally tired. Schedule your self care exercises like recreation, religious breaks, etc. so that you can reflect on yourself. Ask yourself how are you feeling and what do you need from yourself and act accordingly in the most honest way possible.
2. Everyone’s Opinion Is Not Your Business
People pleasers usually take everyone’s opinion seriously and try to make everyone happy forgetting that it is just not possible. They usually cannot figure out whose opinion is important and whom they should avoid. Yes, it is true that you need to listen to your loved ones and compromise for them but not everyone needs to be treated equally. Moreover, understand that such compromises are mutual and the one who loves you can do so for you as well.
Make sure that you ask yourself why you are taking certain actions and what the purpose behind it is. Is it love or is it any fear? Are you the only one making compromises or someone else is also doing it for you?
3. Don’t Be Afraid Of Conflicts
Many people pleasantly suppress their own feelings and needs in order to avoid conflicts but it disconnects them from oneself. It feels like they don’t even know themselves anymore. Such suppression of feelings may even create physical stress symptoms and hence the chain needs to be broken. Although the conflicts may look scary, they can be done peacefully as well. It doesn’t need you to yell at anyone or throw things apart but expressing your thoughts respectfully can be done.
4. Realize That Your Feelings Matter The Most
People pleasers may lose their identity due to suppression of feelings. They need to realize that avoiding your own feelings is not the right belief. One needs to tell themselves and remind them that you need to value yourself by assessing your own feelings. A good idea is that you can think about how you treat others and then treat yourself in the same way possible.
We hope that you have found out if you are a people pleaser or not. If yes then we have mentioned your ways on how to stop being a people pleaser. Recognize your own strengths, follow the mantra of self affirmations and don’t let your health get deteriorated during the course of pleasing others. It’s not that pleasing others is a wrong task but you must know whom to please and whom you can avoid.